Most business owners don’t think of themselves as people who "sell". They think of themselves as people who solve problems.
And that’s exactly why the way a conversation feels matters more than the words inside it.
Some conversations leave people leaning in. Others leave them leaning back, even when the information is the same.
For a long time, I thought that difference came down to how well I explained what I did. If someone hesitated, I assumed they needed more detail, more examples, more reassurance.
What I slowly noticed instead was something simpler and more uncomfortable: the moment I started explaining, the other person often stopped feeling like they were choosing.
That’s when this line clicked for me:
Questions make people feel safe. Explanations often make people feel sold to.
Not because explanations are wrong, but because of what they quietly change in the balance of a conversation.
The quiet shift that changes how a conversation feels
Think about the last time someone launched into a long explanation with you.
Even if you were interested, something probably changed internally. You went from being part of the conversation to being on the receiving end of it. The centre of gravity moved away from your world and towards theirs.
That’s usually the moment when people stop exploring and start evaluating.
Questions do the opposite.
A good question brings the conversation back to the person sitting across from you. Their context, their priorities, their trade‑offs, their version of what “a good decision” actually looks like.
That’s why questions feel safe. They create space instead of pressure.
Why capable business owners default to explaining
If you’re good at what you do, explaining feels responsible.
You want people to understand. You want to be transparent. You want to make sure they have everything they need to decide.
So when a conversation slows down, explaining more feels like the right move.
The problem isn’t the intention. It’s the effect.
At a certain point, more explanation doesn’t create more confidence. It creates more distance. The conversation subtly shifts from “we’re thinking this through together” to “I’m being guided towards something”.
Most people won’t say that out loud. They’ll just hesitate.
The difference between helping someone decide and trying to convince them
There’s a fine line between the two, and it often shows up in the way the conversation is structured.
When you’re trying to convince, the focus stays on your service:
- How it works
- Why it’s different
- What it includes
- Why it’s worth it
When you’re helping someone decide, the focus shifts to their world:
- What matters most right now
- What feels uncertain
- What staying the same would actually cost
- What “a good outcome” looks like to them
The first approach invites evaluation. The second invites ownership.
And ownership is what makes decisions feel safe to make.
What questions really do in a business conversation
Good questions don’t interrogate. They orient.
They help someone place your service inside their own reality instead of holding it at arm’s length.
A few examples of the kind of questions that change the feel of a conversation:
- What’s the part of this that feels most important to get right?
- What would make this a clear yes for you?
- What still feels uncertain or unfinished?
- If nothing changed over the next six months, what would that mean for you?
None of these push. None of these pitch.
They simply give the other person a way to think out loud.
And when people hear themselves make sense of a decision, they trust it more.
Why over‑explaining often backfires
Over‑explaining usually comes from a good place.
You don’t want to be vague, but want to be seen as withholding. You don’t want to sound like you’re glossing over details.
But there’s an unintended message hidden inside long explanations:
“This is complex. You need me to walk you through it.”
For some people, that lands as expertise.
For others, it lands as pressure.
The moment someone feels like they’re being led instead of choosing, their guard goes up. Not dramatically. Just enough to slow things down.
Structure matters more than volume
This is where most conversations quietly go off track.
Not because the service isn’t strong.
Not because the person isn’t interested.
But because the conversation doesn’t have a clear shape.
If there’s no shared sense of what the conversation is for, explaining fills the gap. You talk more. They think less. Responsibility stays on your side of the table.
A simple structure changes that:
- Explore what actually matters to them
- Surface what feels uncertain
- Let them tell you what the risks are
- Place your service inside that context
- Let them decide what to do with it
When that structure is there, you don’t need to explain nearly as much. The right details land because they’re answering a question the other person already cares about.
The kind of confidence people respond to
There’s a specific type of confidence that doesn’t come from having the perfect explanation ready.
It comes from being willing to sit in a question.
To let someone think and let silence do a bit of work.
That kind of confidence feels very different on the receiving end. It feels like respect.
And respect is what makes people feel safe enough to make real decisions.
Your turn
The next time a conversation starts to slow down, notice what your instinct is.
Do you reach for another explanation?
Or do you reach for a question that brings the focus back to the other person’s world?
You don’t need fewer words. You often need a better place to put them.
If this way of structuring conversations resonates, it’s a big part of how I work with business owners who want their conversations to feel more natural, more grounded and less like they’re trying to “get it right”. The goal isn’t to become better at selling. It’s to become better at helping people decide. If you want to explore this too, get in touch today.